THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
