We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
