Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
