You made me cry and you don't even care
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
