We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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