well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
