I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
