i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
