Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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