White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
