fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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