she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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