Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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