Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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