My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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