just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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