Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
