So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
