i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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