so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
