I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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