Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
