She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Randomize
