If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
