stop calling my apartment porn island.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
