I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
