if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I can feel your judgement through the phone
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
