If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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