Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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