Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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