i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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