I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
