I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Barsexuality is the new black.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
