my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
