Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
