Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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