Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
