Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
