He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
