Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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