Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
