My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
this hospital has no fireball
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
