i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
