you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
