Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
