so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
