Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
