everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
