no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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