she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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