he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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