my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
do nipples grow back?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
