guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
